Alone, Lonely, or Independent? On Becoming a Cat Lady

Pop Quiz: It's Saturday night. I am sitting on the couch with my laptop and my cat. A load of laundry is spinning in the background.

Am I alone, lonely, or independent?

Answer: None of the above. I am simply becoming a Cat Lady.

Before I sound too dramatic, I will clarify that I have a husband and friends and family, But as of late, I am alone - a lot.

When my husband's not working, he's usually with me. Today he had a golfing date with his buddies, and I was happy for him. "Sure, go!" I said. I have errands to run, anyway.

{Insert Whitesnake song}

"Here I go again on my own, going down the only road I've ever known;
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone."

Sigh...

I really do like myself and I really do appreciate "me" time. Yet I feel a little bit lonely.

As I walked into Walmart (part of my errands), I saw a woman with her older mom, shopping. I felt a pang in my heart as I thought of my mom, who passed away 2 years ago, She normally wouldn't have gone shopping with me, anyway. She was extremely independent and wanted to do things in her own way and in her own time frame. But suddenly I pictured us walking along, chit chatting, and I really, really missed her. After all, I haven't had a mommy at age 50 and I don't know what that would be like. I bet it would be nice.

While I was driving home, my daughter called me. I enjoy talking with my grown up baby girl who no longer lives at home. She worries about me. I think she thinks I will end up a Cat Lady like my mom was. But I told my daughter not to worry. "I am OKAY," I said. "I guess I am a little lonely but not really." The last thing I want to do is hold back my daughter by laying a bunch of misplaced guilt onto her.

The truth is, I am just sad. I am just missing people who are no longer in my life. No one can fix that. Not my husband, not my daughter, not my friends.

I am not really okay but I have to learn to be okay with not being okay.

Don't we all, at one point or another?

So, I sit here tonight, and I pet my cat, Sawyer. He purrs and he squints his eyes at me (which means I love you according to Jackson Galaxy.) http://www.animalplanet.com/tv-shows/my-cat-from-hell

I am Becoming a Cat Lady of sorts. Just like my mom. And I don't consider that a bad thing. Peace out.