Healing with Humor (Thanks, Jerry Seinfeld!)

When life throws you the toughest challenges, when your heart feels so dark and heavy that the thought of laughter almost disgusts you, that is precisely the moment you need to turn to humor for healing.

In the first few days after my daughter's death, I thought I'd never be able to eat or sleep again, let alone laugh. When someone you love has died, the thought of laughing seems almost like a betrayal.

I did eat eventually and I did sleep eventually (with the help of prescription medicine). And I also laughed eventually. In fact, listening to stand-up comedy on the radio and watching sitcoms on tv is what got me through some of my saddest and loneliest moments, especially in the first year after my daughter died.

I've always loved comedy and our family has always been a big fan of sitcoms. Jerry Seinfeld has always been one of my favorite comedians. His humor has a way of making things seem lighter. Whether I am watching his show, reading his books, or watching his stand-up, I always smile and I always feel better.

Watching "Seinfeld" distracts me and takes my mind off of things. It helps that it isn't centered around family. Sometimes it is really hard for me to watch anything involving family, even if it is supposed to be funny. It's just too painful to be reminded of what I lost.

I also enjoy watching "Becker" and "Frasier." I find comfort in anything funny as long as the story lines don't remind me of anything painful.

Reading books about grief, writing about my feelings...all of that has helped me to heal. But I think humor has been the most helpful and the most comforting overall.

Description of Days

I categorized the most common phases I have been encountering along my journey of grief. Being able to define what I am going through enables me to better explain my state to others around me. The list also gives me a sense of direction so I can choose the best route to take to move toward healing. I hope that sharing this may help others in their grieving, also.

Description of Days

Anxiety Day - feeling nervous or scared, pacing, not resting, not sleeping well

Dark Day - bad dreams, bad memories, scary thoughts

Denial Day - feeling numb, not wanting to think about the tragedy or not being able to think about it, pushing people or thoughts away

Gratitude Day - feeling grateful for someone or something in your life, having something happen or receiving a gift that your thankful for, having someone reach out to you in a positive way, feeling blessed in general, appreciating what you have

Healing Day - taking time to be alone, resting, praying, lighting candles, cleansing yourself and your environment, trying to eat healthy, getting fresh air and exercise, expressing creativity

Heartache Day - feeling upset and feeling the physical symptoms of it

Light Day - feeling light, having some acceptance, seeing the Big Picture of the Universe, enjoying nature, getting a sense that your loved one who died is ok and that everything will be ok

Lonely Day - missing your loved one or just feeling alone in this tragedy

Remembrance Day - doing something in your loved one's honor at a certain time (birthday, date of death, holidays, or marking any period of time)

Rough Day - having to go somewhere you don’t want to go or do something you don’t want to do, feeling highly uncomfortable, feeling highly frustrated in people or misunderstood, getting your feelings hurt, feeling like nothing’s going right, feeling pressure, having too much to get done, seeing or hearing something that upsets you especially pertaining to our tragedy

Sad Day - crying, low energy, feeling sad or blue

Special Day - having a special experience, having something great or miraculous happen, seeing signs of your loved one's presence, getting little gifts from your loved one

Spiritual Day - connecting spiritually, thinking about God/Heaven/Angels, wondering what all this means on a spiritual level, contemplating where your loved one might be

Taking a Break Day - trying to have fun, not thinking about sad things, focusing on something good, looking forward to something, watching comedies, playing games, socializing, smiling, laughing

Why Day - questioning why this happened, feeling frustrated, mad, confused